Freeing The Self

Freeing The Self

We all have our demons. And sometimes, when we mistakenly think them to be our friends, we accept all that they try to do with us.

My demon is ambition. Students of English literature usually think of Macbeth when they come across ambition or the excess of it. But for me the tragedy is yet not that huge.

I want a lot. I desire a lot. And in the process I demand a lot from myself. A lot of expectations I have from my own performances – whether in personal life, or in profession. And I am quite sure that I need to start accepting the fact that once in a while, a little less than the best is excusable. But that should not be continued, because then it becomes a habit and one starts decreasing the upper limit to the level of mediocrity.

All these profound thoughts are coming because I had a practical exam today and something got to me and I could not perform the way I wanted to. Those who have done or are doing B.Ed will know my condition. Most of the acts of the course are calculated dramatic performances and when one has to enact a whole lesson’s “best” part after waiting for more than 2hours within 5-8minutes in front of professors, there are chances that expectations will not be met.

But the trouble is not that I could not achieve the best today. The trouble is that I have to learn to forgive myself for failing once in a while. I have to forgive myself for being human and not the superhuman that I want to be. May be just for this once, and continue the journey towards superhuman-ness from tomorrow.

But today, this very moment, I have to forgive myself for being human.