Thursday, January 4, 2018

Age has something to do with it

I know that I have never really felt my age and the post I am going to write today can be easily brushed off by terming it ‘escapist’. Yet, there is something more to it than meets the eye.

A month ago, I turned 30. Some say that age is just a number, while some say a woman should not reveal her age. I don’t agree with both groups. I don’t think that age is just a number, because every time we turn another day older, we have lost another day to time. We have lost another day to do something different, to do something better, something more. And no, we definitely do not need to hide our ages because it is not only insulting to our intelligence but also teaches us that it is okay to be dishonest and pretend that age has everything to do with beauty.

But the problem lies in the fact that I don’t think I am where I thought I would be once I reached the third decade of my life. It’s not that I am disappointed or regret anything. No, I don’t. And yet, I guess I thought I would have made at least one trip abroad by this time. May be saved more. Or been a better cook. Or even sing better.

Well, the singing part is mostly my fault, because I have stopped practising, and I hope to begin someday all over again. As for the cooking part, I try to whenever I can, and just like most people who have the luxury of hiring a cook, I like to try experiments and not the traditional dishes. But I need to concentrate on the day to day food as well, because it seems like these are the toughest ones. No, I haven’t taken any trip abroad yet, and I have not really saved up much. But the fourth day of the new year should be a good time to start doing so. And as for a trip, I did travel all by myself last year, which can be considered a real achievement for somebody coming from a protected household as mine. Well, come to think about it, I am really proud of that one trip to Bangalore.

And so, we come to the end of yet another post. I guess I just run out of things to write once I sit down and write. And at other times I have so much going on in my head. So it can be a good idea if I write down things at the moment and try to write them down late one. 


Friday, August 25, 2017


দশটি-তে আর ঠিক কুলিয়ে উঠতে পারছেন না।

এক হাতে হাতা, তো অন্য হাতে ঝাড়ু।
তিন নম্বরে ঝোলে বাজারের  থলে,
তাতে থাকে পেঁয়াজ, আদা, আলু --
( টোম্যাটো তো আবার ওনার ও নাগালের বাইরে!)

চার নম্বরটিতে বয়ে বেড়ান মুদিখানার ফর্দ।
উনি সংসারের কর্ত্রী বলে কতা !
চাল - ডালের খোঁজ রাখেন মশাই ?

পঞ্চমে থাকতেই হবে একটি তানপুরা,
দেখে শুনে সংগীতজ্ঞা কন্যা আনা হয়েছিল যে!
ছয়ঋতু জুড়েই ষষ্ঠ হাতে থাকে একটি ছাতা,
আজকাল তো নটায় রোদ, তো এগারোটায় বৃষ্টি।
হাঁচলে - কাশলে সংসারটা কে দেখবে?

মেজাজ সপ্তমে চড়ানোর জো নেই,
তাই সাত নম্বরে থাকে ওয়াশিং পাউডার Nirma,
মেশিন থাকলেও, "একটু হাতে করে রগড়ে নেবে বৌমা?"

আহ্লাদে আটখানা হয়ে সপ্তাহের আট নম্বর দিন যখন যান বাপের বাড়ি,
আট নম্বর হাতটিতে থাকে মিষ্টির বাক্স,
বাবা-র বড় প্রিয় নলেন গুঁড়ের রসগোল্লা।

নবগ্রহের প্রার্থনাতে নবম হাতে শাঁখ,
দশ নম্বরটিতে পূজোর ঘন্টা।

এগারো নম্বরটির প্রয়োজন পড়ে ফাটা গোড়ালিতে বাঙালির প্রিয় বোরোলিন লাগাতে --
আর শেষ টা?
কলম ধরতে।

Disclaimer: This is a complete work of fiction and is in no way intended to hurt anyone's sentiments or sensitivity.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Evening walk thoughts

As I was having a brisk walking session in the joggers' park beside my house - all in the attempt to go back to the pre-marital shape and size, I couldn't help but overhear a couple of old ladies. Early at this point, I should mention that I was just passing them as they were sitting on a bench beside the joggers' lane and have no habit whatsoever of eavesdropping on others' conversations. Anyway, one of them was complaining how she gives her son two pieces of fish and her son shares it with his wife whom she has given only a single piece. And the old lady seemed pretty indignant at the fact that the son's wife gets to eat a share of the fish that she had given to her son.

Here my question arises that, had the  woman had a daughter, she would have praised her daughter if she had kept the bigger piece of fish for her husband. She would have been proud that she had brought her up with good manners where she prioritizes her husband over her own self. And here, she was angry that her daughter-in-law got a share of the fish she had given to her son.

So basically, if we take her as a prototype of the orthodox society with misogynistic attitude, then how is a woman going to be empowered? When sacrificing is taken to be the ideal path for a woman, while a man is termed a 'man' if he can earn his bread and enjoy it, how can we make women happy and independent?

Now I am a firm disbeliever in the policy of sacrificial happiness in every step and sphere of life. Of course giving up something for a loved one gives immense joy at certain times, but if that becomes the habit, one day very soon you'll be in need of a messiah to deliever you. And I believe in being my own messiah, my own saviour.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Musings on loneliness

As it's the 27th day of 2017, I suddenly felt the urge to go back to where I first started. Writing. And today, I shall not speak coherently or about any particular topic. I have been wanting to write on quite a few interesting topics for sometime now, but being the lazy, laid back that I am, it has not come to success. So, here's what's happening in life.

My favourite teacher, who has also been my colleague for the past 3years, is about to retire in a couple of months, and the very thought of it makes me sad, really sad. She has been the guiding force for many of us at work place, helping and guiding us whenever we asked her.

I am witnessing my first batch of students passing out of school as they are all prepared to it for their 12th standard board exams. It is such a humbling experience that more than making me proud, I am trying to find humility in the fact that life goes on.

I am a new aunt, as my elder brother welcomes a son in the family. The feeling of holding little Simba in my arms was out-of-the-world, for the lack of a better phrase. That little heart beating, those big eyes looking at me, the helplessness of that tiny soul was scary. He slept on my lap, listened to all the songs I hummed and looked at me with wonders in his eyes. What better gift can a new aunt get?

And with husband abroad for a few weeks, every responsibility seems double, and every happiness seems half.

Then there are friends getting married every week. Some I approve of, some I don't. Not that my approval matters, or should matter. Just that, sometimes the vibes are not very positive. Sometimes, though assured a hundred times,my intuition tells me that one is not a very good person. And there starts the problem, when proofs for one's goodness cannot surpass my intuition and I am unable to give one the benefit of doubt.

And I have been trying to follow at least one TV series for the past few months, and have failed again and again. Started with Bengali, moved to Ukraine's and then Turkey's, but in vain. Somehow it's very difficult to follow the same story everyday at the same time. For that, I prefer Hotstar.

Being ill with no mother or husband to take care, is a painful business.

As I was at the doctor's chamber this afternoon for some stomach ache, I met an elderly couple. They have moved back to Kolkata after 35years in Hyderabad. Their son is settled in some other city. The old man waits for his son to visit and on the other days, remains quiet all day long. The wife seemed more in control of the situation and acknowledged that these are the prices we pay for living independently. It felt heart-wrenching to see the couple at the doctor's chamber. And suddenly, I found immense respect for my husband who is strict with maintaining family relations and valuing the knitted bond of the same.

Can't bring the post to a proper conclusion, sorry. Bye.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Of Hopes and Lanterns

I don't know why there is this illogical obsession with flying lanterns. Or rather, is it my anger with them that is illogical?

Flying lanterns make me sad. Very very sad. Almost to the verge of tears. Just look at them - these forlorn lonely creatures sent upwards by humans, without aim or power, just giving a faint false hope of life and love. Is it really justified to attach such hopes to lanterns whose basic nature is to fall down on the ground the moment the candles die out? Where is the hope? Where is the love? The recent craze has probably been the effect of Disney's Tangled, the story of Rapunzel. As if, the lanterns are the symbol of a traveller on his voyage to a far away land - an adventurer. In reality, these lanterns are a symbol of us - human beings. We attach our hopes and dreams to flimsy ornaments like these flying lanterns, and hope that someday these will take us away to the land of the unknown and we will - finally - find our happily ever after. What a sham!

On the other hand, look at the light crackers. They have their life in a moment. They burst in glory, spread the gorgeous shower of light for a few seconds, dazzle people and die in their glory as well. These crackers are the symbol of unreality. As if, our lives are to be lived like these crackers. As if, once we dare, we can become as glorious as them. As if life will allow us to live and die in our moments of glory.

Then why is it that I can only see the sham in all of it? Why is it that the lights and lamps and sweets and music - are all unable to cheer up a single heart?

May be because it is the toughest thing to do - to strip oneself of its bare minimum to be able to be honest with one and oneself. May be, after such moments of cruel honesty and sincerity towards one and oneself, the bare minimum is only the expectation that the bravery will be acknowledged. And there lies the hamartia of the human soul. Leaving behind everything, it still expects. It still looks for a ray of hope in the lanterns and crackers. That this hope is what will remain, and continue. That he who said that "the world will not end in a bang, but a whimper" was absolutely wrong.


Is it really so easy to find an "old love"? The one that is older than the body and as old as this soul? I leave this thought here, to search for a ray of hope and bring it to me, one day - someday.