Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Stuff that Nightmares are Made of


I may not be a strict non-believer in ghosts, but my nightmares usually consist of unresolved issues - termed popularly by the movies as "ghosts of the past". Some are decades old, and considering that I'm just 24, it's clear that I'm an issue-full girl all the way!

Certain friendships gone sour. Works left undone. Silly fights that wasted months of precious time. And so much more. Mostly, it's about things that I haven't said or done. Not always is it about the good things. Sometimes I have wanted to tell a person that he's full of himself or that she needs to realize that the world doesn't revolve around her, but I've just kept quiet and faked a smile. May be it's what courtesy is. Or maybe just avoiding the issues, which ultimately adds them to my list of 'unfinished business'.

And then there have been times when I've wanted to take the day off and get on a bus and just be. I've always wanted to do it, but never really got the final tug to actually do. May be now that I've made it public, I'll do it. Or maybe, I'll just keep it unfinished because if I complete it, where will I find another crazy little thing among the series of 'correct' things to do?

And then of course there are relationships.

[From this part onward, I'll be speaking on a completely non-personal ground, and I'm acknowledging it beforehand so that assumptions are not made!]

Sometimes bad breakups or mutual ones where one of them is not ready to move on. But for most, it is usually the opposite. The call of duty forces us to move on, to continue living the life and do all that we are supposed to do. But the nightmares continue. Not just during sleep, but also the scariest thought - which I've heard quite a few of my friends utter - "What will I do if I happen to meet my ex?" This is supposed to be a real nightmare! And some have to face it, while the others just have to live on the dark side of this fright.

However, I think that the fun of the meeting-the-ex part is that you meet that person who broke your heart, or whose heart you broke, in the most unexpected of places! And if it's after a few years, then you usually realize how silly things were back then! Or you don't. May be you just feel bad, awkward, embarrassed, angry, jealous, or critical. I think I'll have to do a bit of research on the topic - How do you feel when you meet an ex? :P

This was about the not-so-romantic side of romance.

Unresolved issues are all around us. If the previous examples did not concern you, don't worry! The following ones might just do.

That boss who made you feel small but got transferred before you could get the courage to lash out.
The driver at the road who kept on delaying you on your drive to work by taking up the whole road.
Or even the housemaid who left the job without even informing.
[Take your pick]

Unresolved issues are all around us. I guess we forget some by compulsion of life, and some by choice of moving on. Whether or not we remember them all is tough to answer. But some are so huge to be resolved that they add to the haunting part of our dreams...

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Happily Nostalgic? Nostalgically Happy!

21st August, 2012


                                                                               Some of my cousins
                                                    (L-R - Manimoy, Sanchari. Shankhajit, Me, Monoseej)

Some days are custom-made for nostalgia. Just like today. It's mid-August. The year has been almost rainless. The morning was cloudy. I didn't expect rain, as such cloudy days have betrayed rain quite a few times in the past couple of months. But as the day progressed, it started to drizzle. And it has been so for the last couple of hours. Sitting comfortably by the window of a bus, and listening to light semi-classical music on my phone, blurred flashes of my childhood are crossing my heart.

I grew up in the mountains, but in Kolkata we had our big house with our big joint family. I remember the times when I used to come here during the holidays. My memory of the house is filled with happy noise which gave me, and perhaps everybody in the house, a sense of security. I used to play with my brother and cousins. Because I came mainly during the holidays, such visits were usually made happier with large get-togethers.

The breakfasts, the lunches, and the dinners were all taken at the great big dining hall, all the members together. My Bomma (Borojethima) used to give us tok doi mixed with a hint of salt in small bowls after the lunch.

We played lukochuri, kanamachhi, rumalchor, ikir-mikir and what not!

And I remember the big kitchen where someone or the other was always cooking something or the other all through the day! (We are a happy-eating family, you see!)

I remember having my first phuchka with Dadabhai when they used to come 6 for Re.1!! (It will cost you Re.1 for each piece now :-/ )

And I remember so much more, but can pen down so less, because they have now become my heart's beats. They have become intimate with my breathing that I can't separate them into words anymore. They are only to be felt on such continuously nostalgic days.

P.S. - Dedicated to all my family members who are a part of this nostalgic journey. :-)