Friday, September 14, 2012

When Strength Becomes A Vice

Let this be a story about a girl, who was strong. And may be that strength became her fault. How? For that, I'll have to tell you her story.

                      Mocking-Jay (The Hunger Games) - Symbol of Strength for my generation's girls! :-)

She loved. Just when she entered college, she fell in love - just like many other girls of every generation - with the guy who showered her with attention all the time. She knew that perhaps he is not her type, for he was the type who would not settle with one girl at one time. And yet, as this was her maiden venture to Love-Land, she trusted her heart. As usual, the guy broke her heart. Nothing uncommon, right? Her reaction was also very common. She cried, and pined for him, and felt sad and sorry for herself. But she recovered. And here was her fault.

Then, after a couple of years, she fell in love. This time, the guy was a really nice one. The ones we girls usually like to trust. He was sober, understanding, caring and matured. She hoped that this will work out. You see, she is the type who hopes eternally for the Prince Charming, just like most of us regular girls. But I remind you that hoping was not her fault. We'll come to that later. And this guy, the good one, left her because they belonged to different communities and he was not prepared to take a chance against his family's wishes. Fair enough. I don't blame the guy, because not everybody can, or should, recreate Ek Duje Ke Liye type romance. After all, the 90's are over, and we have moved on from flashy over-the-top romance to the regular Cocktail type practical romance. The Deepikas still give panic attacks to the careful Saifs and get hitched to the tamed Dianas.

Anyway, now comes the final twist to my story's heroine's love-story. There is this third guy who had been liking her for a long time, even after being aware that she comes from a background which is much different to what he has grown into. The girl was not ready to get into a relationship anymore, because she felt she had had it enough. They had been friend for a pretty long time, and she didn't want to ruin the friendship just to take a chance at romance. I don't say that it was just the guy's fault just because the girl is my friend. As even a mere blog-writer, I have this minimum objectivity to make sure that I give equal justification to every character. But what happened next was that just when the girl was ready to accept this guy's proposal and give it a try, the guy confessed that due to family troubles he wouldn't be able to commit to her. But he wanted her to be his girlfriend for as long as they stayed in the same city.

The girl refused. Any sensible person would. If there is no future to a relationship, why should you go on hurting yourself just to be a part of an experiment?

Now comes the real trouble. The girl has recovered. She has cried a river, dried her eyes, and recovered. And this is not done. Why? Stop judging me to be a feminist, and think once. If you learn that a guy friend of yours has been crying over his girlfriend for the last 3months, you'll say, "Ladkiyon ki tarah kya ro raha hai? Mard ban, mard!!" (courtesy: Dil Chahta Hai). And if you learn that a girl has recovered from a breakup in less than 3months, you will say, "Was she even serious about the guy??"

The girl MUST cry and howl and soak dozens of handkerchiefs to show that she is a weak person who needs a shoulder for support. She can't be the one to support another one because by doing that she'l lose her femininity. She must be the one who goes from one person to another to express her sob story. And if she doesn't conform to these norms, rumours circulate about her that she must have been flirting around, that she couldn't have been serious or else how could she recover so soon? And the guy must flirt around with a couple of girls after a breakup to show that he is macho enough to get over the girl soon enough.

Everybody expects the other person to hang on to the memories so that they themselves can prove to be the stronger one and recover fast. That's a very practical phenomenon. but the trouble begins when the fast-recovering one is not the guy, but the girl. Then it becomes abnormal and unnatural, because we all expect her to stay low and watch crappy sentimental movies and eat loads of chocolate - not because she loves to watch those Suraj Barjatiya movies or stuff herself with Silk and Bournville - but because she is a girl and she must do these to prove that she was in love with the guy!!

This is the general view-point, to which I refuse to conform, and so does my friend. I know guys who are really nice, and support this non-conformity. I am not fighting an anti-men case. Stereotypical views harm men more than they harm women. Even if a guy wants to cry, he will more often than not control his tears. And that hurts. Here is my question - Can't we just be honest to ourselves and accept that the world is not like us and that we are not the ultimate ones? Can't we just open our minds - in stead of merely opening our eyes and ears and mouths - and accept? If we have hurt a person, can't we just accept the punishment, and not be nagging about returning to where we were?

I rest my case.


moo-moo said...

Just today, I cried when I character in my favourite book died (character was a cat). We are at liberty to choose what we mourn and what we don't. If anyone judges, that is their problem. Emotions and thoughts can't be fettered and censored according to what is the expected "norm". Who defines "normal" anyway?

moo-moo said...

*a character

Simantini Sinha said...

Shiny - Only you can cry when a cat dies, and yet remain strong when the whole bunch of kakimas and mashimas are howling at the death of their favourite series' hero! :P

Sukalpa Goswami said...