The Yash Raj Films and the Suraj Barjatiyas have given us an
idea since our childhood in the early nineties that marriages consist of food,
songs, dance, family and all such rosy pictures. The hero and the heroine dance
to the tunes of dholak. For those of us – the Bengali brides – the gaaye holud,
ayiburo bhaat, benarasi etc surround the mind and block the reality of marriage.
Leave the in-laws, for not all of them are bad. Leave the other
in-future troubles like kids, managing house and job etc as well, for the
immediate concern is something which is of most importance. Having been an ardent
fan of Pride and Prejudice, I still find it relevant to our marriage scenario.
The blind search for groom is not my concern today. But what about the finance?
While I was talking to my BFF (best friend forever) last evening, we realized
that getting married is not at all the fairy-tale dream we used to think it to
be. Cinderella was lucky to get a groom who would pay for her side of expenses
as well. In real life, when the girl is from a middle class family – and whose
parents have spent a considerable amount on her education – it becomes her
responsibility to save for her marriage. But was it really wrong for Mrs.Bennet to be happy when she found that Lizzy would be marrying a rich man like Mr.Darcy and that too perhaps any dowry?
However, the catch here is that by the time an independent
girl has saved some money for herself as a future provision and spent some for
her family and luxury, she reaches 27 – she has hardly saved anything for her
marriage or her future life and her parents are already asking her to settle
down in the next couple of years.
My question here is, when you are educating your boy and
expecting him to marry with his own money, you give him till 30-32years to settle
down. Then when you are talking all the women's emancipation big words and
educating your girl, then why the extra pressure on her to marry by 28years? The gynaecological
stuff is understandable, but medical science has advanced far beyond such
troubles. And anyway, our generation hardly thinks beyond one, to a maximum of two kids.
I understand the points-of-view of our parents’ generation.
They have their logic. But to think that a girl has it easier is very unfair.
She has to compete with equally talented girls and boys, she has to maintain a
balance between work and home as well. If a boy comes at 10 o’ clock and has
his dinner and goes straight to bed, he will be sympathized for his tough work
schedule. But if a girl with the same work schedule does the same, she will be
chastised for neglecting her family – even if it is her father’s side of the
family and not her in-laws. And then we are given the biological ultimatum for
marriage, which is another pressure in itself. I don’t say that boys have it
easier. I say that we work equally hard, proving ourselves everywhere, within a
tighter deadline.
And then there is the inviting of the whole world to celebrate
the union of two souls. Of course, these blessings don’t come without a piece
or two of criticism regarding the food or the reception during the wedding.
And
what to say about the unnecessary pomp and show? Why waste lakhs for just one
evening when you could use it for a good vacation afterwards? the trouble is just that I hate spending money for marriage. If marriage IS the union of two souls, why spend so much on showing off the bond? Just a simple wedding of family members and close friends should be enough. Well, I surely hope I get such a wedding!
Well, I might be triggering some opposing views with this
post, but it was just my point-of-view. And after all, it’s my blog, right? I
have every right to write what I want! :-)
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