Privacy in Relationships

It was Sunday afternoon, when I decided that I did not want to take a nap and add to the already increasing hours of sleep. So, I took the newspaper of the day and turned through the pages. And found an article which had the theme whether "ethical spying" on spouses should be tolerated. There was a snippet of a quote by the owner of a match-making company. This lady observed that spouses should share the passwords to their electronic world, may it be cell phones or mail accounts or other sites where they are members. Also that, spouses should allow each other to read the text messages in their cell phones (!!).

Now, my argument for and against this clause may seem radical to some, while I hope that at least a few will agree with me partially, if not totally. I pride myself on being a scorpio, who has her own little world inside her. So, I can accept it without qualms that I have secrets. If not great ones, then at least silly ones which are not always for the world to know, even for the people closest to me. So I completely disagree with the lady who advocated a complete sharing of information between spouses. We have our space and individualities, and being who we are, it’s a basic necessity to have a world of ourselves. I must make it clear right now before people start thinking that I prefer clandestine behavior, that I do not. I only advocate the cause of having one’s space. If you have recently watched the Bollywood comedy Pyaar Ka Punchnama, you might try to equate me with the lady there who was apt in repeating the phrase “I have my space… Don’t tell me what to do” and kept on doing things that she herself knew was not right. Please do not do so. I think of myself as a responsible individual who believes in personal privacy, and I do not see anything wrong in doing so.

It is a common issue with housewives to sneak around their husband’s cell phone or diary and try to find out what’s going on, and even if the poor innocent man was only having a text conversation with a colleague, she’ll make a Himalaya out of the mole-hill. Many of the marriage counselors these days advise their patients not to intervene in the privacy of their husbands. And it is practical too. The man works at office, has tensions related to a thousand problems and when he gets back, he receives cold shoulder and hot glances from the over-zealous wife. How do you expect the man to handle a Mrs.Marple after a long 10hours of job?

I do not support the issue of “ethical spying” when it is done by the husbands as well. The wife, just because she is termed as a “weaker sex” by orthodox society, does not count as a person bound to her husband by terms of violation of privacy. If she is a working lady, she has every right to have conversations with her colleagues. And if she is a housewife, which does not make her any less of an independent individual as far as her personal space is concerned, she should have the freedom to use her Right to Speech.

I understand that such ideal situations do not exist, and as Subhash Chandra Bose had once opined, freedom needs to be taken and cannot be offered on a platter. But according to me, spouses simply need to trust each other with their lives. If there is no love lost between them, the marriage is a sham. Then there remains no need to take the trouble of spying and worrying. If you trust him, you’ll know that he might enjoy a little flirting with a female colleague, but at the need of the day it is you whom he loves. She has you in her heart and you’ll trust your heart with it if you love her, in spite of the second and third glances she gets from men at her office party.

Isn’t it pretty annoying to have to report to somebody constantly?? Doesn’t it feel like you are submitting your daily reports to your boss at the office?? Well, if you like it, fine. But whenever it becomes a compulsion, a rule between people, it creates claustrophobia. It does for me at least, and I accept it. I believe in personal space, for both the partners. There should be honesty, loyalty and trust. if yes, there needs no tracking of text messages or call records or mails. That will be bad news for Emotional Atyachar people, for then, they’ll run out of their job of tracking infidel partners and airing the juicy gossip on television.
Nevertheless, if fidelity and love exists, why need we personal espionage system? We know them better to decide whether they are worth the trust or it’s better to just leave the cheat and move on!

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. And I do not feel ashamed.

Ive never quite liked being complimented as a 'good" girl. Whether I'm good or otherwise, anybody else does not have the qualification to judge.They have not had to live my life. And I can't term myself with binary adjectives as I don't yet have the objectivity to look at my life, and however old I may get, I'm sure I'll never have enough experience to look at myself with objectivity and wisdom!

I had once heard that one is never 'experienced' in life. If one is experienced at 53years, he is inexperienced for the 54th year of his life.

For me, life is to live unapologetically. Why should you apologize for anything you have done? If it has turned out to be a mistake, you better learn from it and never repeat it in your life. And if it has done good to you or others, then it's foolish to apologize to anybody for that matter. Sometimes, we take a decision for ourselves, but feel sorry that this decision has kept us away from our loved ones or so. But why not think about it like this? The decision you've taken has improved your career, and if your loved ones really care for you, then they must be happy for you rather than complaining!

Also, sometimes, when we decide to take a strong step which may hurt someone, but we know that it is necessary, why should we feel sorry? The decision had to be taken, and we did just that. Parents disallow pocket-money or play-time when their kids are unruly. Parents feel bad, but they know that this strict behaviour is going to make the kids realize that they have done something wrong. Similarly, in each of our lives, we have to realize that whatever we know to be right from our hearts needs no apology to anybody.

We sometimes wish that the past was different. but do we really want the past to be different? If it was bad, it has made us strong and matured. It has made us who we are today. And if it was good, it has made us smile. It has given us memories to cherish through our lives. Don't apologize for your past. You have survived it. Be proud of it and of yourself. The mistakes you made have taught you things. And don't forget that the things which you sometimes consider to be a mistake in the present, are the things you had badly wanted in the past. It's all a part of your life, of who you are. You are not liable to anybody but your own heart! And the heart never lies! It never misleads you. Have faith that you'll survive, just like you have survived all the worst things in your past and are alive to be reading this piece right now!

and this is life.
just when i thought i have everything sorted out, and i'm the happiest person alive, i get to know life.
friends fall apart, strained relations with loved ones, confused ambitions.
how am i even going to express this in words? may be this is the "big bad world" of grown-ups. strangely enough, even when i was a little girl, i never quite wanted to be a grown-up. i always loved my days as they were. when i look back, i'm amazed by the number of memories i remember! and that means, i've grown-up.
and i don't like it.
i can't express it.

If tomorrow never comes

i'm usually an early riser, but this morning it was different. i woke up at 4am, and the first thought that crossed my mind was that what if i'm to die this moment? it's not that i have anything to regret, for i have tried to be as honest to myself as possible in these 23years of my lifetime. but, the specific thought that has been worrying me since i woke up is that if i am to die today, what has been my last words to the people i know? alright, i know a hell lot of people and naturally, i don't like all of them. but what about those i do? what about those i care for? have i told them enough how much they mean to me? it does not always have to be a mushy affair. may be just a simple text message when they don't expect you the least, or just a call to ask how they're doing? why not a simple 'have a nice day' e-card? last evening i received a 'miss you' e-card from one of my friends, and i can't express in words how special it felt! she's been away for quite a long time now, and the card was a real surprise! why do we shy away from expressing love when we feel so free to express hatred? we hardly think twice before expressing anger on our mothers or siblings or friends. then why do we hesitate for a lifetime to tell them that we love them? when did "love" go out of fashion? if we look around ourselves, the most common sight we can find is discomfort. why not give some comfort to those who need it? do we actually need to wait for the Christmas to go to an orphanage and donate clothes to show that we care? when our mothers are ill, can't we just ask them twice a day if they're any better? can't we take notice when they need to take their medicine? when our brothers and sisters are having trouble in the school and are getting irritated at simple things in the house, can't we talk to them patiently? when did "patience" become a faux pas?

just a few thoughts i had this morning. i know they are a bit too heavy to come in the beginning of the day, but they are thoughts nevertheless. and thoughts that i am going to think upon. for i don't want to leave this world without letting my loved ones know that i cared. and i still do!