Comfortable

How about you start reading this post by not reading my personal views, but answering some very short questions? How about, do you like to eat alone at home or at restaurants? Or, do you like to watch movies alone at theaters? Or, do you like to take long walks or destination-less bus rides al by yourself?

If the answers to the above-mentioned questions are in the affirmative, and you are ‘single’, then it’s a pretty common habit that you have. And even if the answers are in the negative, the society is not realy going to bash you up for wanting human company. However, if you are engaged or married, and yet you enjoy your own company, there are chances that sooner or later, you’ll be termed ‘selfish’, ‘loner’, ‘strange’ or even ‘abnormal’.

I enjoy a lone meal, may be at KFC or Domino’s or even a restaurant. I don’t feel guilty having a long walk with a cup of ice-cream or frozen yogurt and wondering about the workings of the world. And I definitely don’t mind travelling by myself, even if it’s for the first time and it’s a long journey. It doesn’t always have to be the company of headphones to avoid unnecessary conversations. I can simply look out of the window and be lost in a different world.

But is this behaviour accepted? Once, I had heard a gentleman commenting about youngsters listening to music on their journey saying that if you are out in the world, you need to interact with the people and not hide yourself behind the headphones. I was too young to protest back then. But today, I would like to pose a question – Why should everybody have the same personality or attitude towards the world and interaction with it? It may so be that I am out in the world as a compulsion, and would very much like to sit back at home and read a few pages from n old, torn book. It may so also be that I enjoy my own company in such a manner that I don’t need anybody else to enjoy a good meal, or a good movie. I would rather watch a good movie separately and then discuss with someone interested about it, than gather people to watch a movie I am interested in but just afraid “What would people say!” if I go alone.

Also, why is it a ‘crime’ to be fluent and well-versed and comfortable in a different language than your mother tongue? Does it only signify how snobbish you are? Or can it also mean that your medium of instruction has been different and you are simply mean that you are more interested in the beauty of a particular language, without demeaning any other language of the world?

Why are we so quick to judge? Why are we hell-bent on believing and arguing and proving that what we know and believe is the only correct way? Why can’t it be an open-forum discussion? Why does always have to be a win or lose situation?

Musings on a lonely evening

Paintings on the wall,

Paintings of the world.

She hung them on the wall,

With utmost love and care.

Her mother had told her –

“You’ll be happy, mark my words.”

She swallowed back a few tears,

Happiness was not to be hers.

Venting out through silly art,

Filling up the void -

She had none but herself to blame

Choosing the fire, not the soil.

It was too early to leave,

Too late to pick up the pieces -

She breathed in the poisonous air

In the world of champagne and air-kisses.

                                      

New Horizons

Without any beating about the bush, let's come directly to the point. It's been a month since I have been married. However, this post is not about how I got married, or what I bought for the wedding or even how much fun the whole marriage event has been. This post, rather, is about life after marriage.

For all the single girls out there, life after marriage is usually shown through a rose-tinted glass where we are told that we will be absolutely happy after marriage, there will be a lot of Yash Raj Film-esque romance, and no doubt a lot of pampering and fun. I don't want to shatter your hopes, girls. No doubt there will be all these things if you are lucky. I am. However, there will be a lot of other things too.

There will be days when you wouldn't want to get up in the morning, but you'd have to, just because an entire family now depends on you. You may not want to dress up in the evening after a long day's work when the maid is on leave (provided your newly shifted base affords you to keep a maid) but you won't be able to roam about in the house in shorts or pyjamas. And if you are one of those who has shifted to a ridiculously expensive city where the salary of the maid makes you wonder whether you should take up her job instead, then may the Lord help you!

It's probably not about the work that you have to do. It's mostly about the false aura of romance and fantasy that surrounds the idea of marriage. Marriage has nothing to do with opening the door for your husband clad in chiffon when he returns from office. Or about serving Coca-Cola to your in-laws when they ask for too many choices of beverages. Or warming frozen food to impress your in-laws. Marriage is about growing up. Sometimes, all of a sudden, while sometimes a day at a time. But most of all, marriage is learning to be unselfish.

This post, being my first one after my wedding, is probably a tad bit emotional compared to my previous ones. I hope the nest ones will be less heavy and more according to my original style.

Alternatives

Here's a definite thought. What am I going to do after 40?

I am not the ZNMD Hrithik Roshan type who decided to work till death till 40 and then retire and enjoy life. I live in the moment, for the moment and with the moment. Being a teacher is a taxing job no doubt, but I enjoy it. The least bit of creativity that I can share with my students, and the maximum of it that they showcase in various fields can be overwhelming in the positive sense. The craftworks they do for various subjects, the little bit of performances within the regular lessons, the loaded amount of smiles, and the mischiefs - they all somehow do not let me get bored for a single moment. It has hardly been 2 years in this profession, and I have a lot of plans for my future in this profession already.

But I have other dreams as well. Firstly, I dream of owning a boutique of my own. It might be a partnership deal where I could look after the creative section, and the finances being managed by the other partner. I am not much good with numbers, as most people who know me already know it. I would like to combine various dresses with appropriate accessories and perhaps also have a grooming section where various ideas of how to use a single piece of clothing in various ways could be discussed by the clients and me. My friends have already unofficially certified that I am good at this - I mean, clothes, accessorizing, make-up etc. So, who knows? I might just do something with it!

I like to sing. To such an extent that one hardly has to ask me twice to sing and I would start crooning a tune. I am often teased because of this, as one of my naughtier cousins thinks that I am always too ready to sing, anywhere! So, may be someday I would like to teach the kids of the locality songs and dance-dramas with other people of similar interests. I can imagine a scenario - a colony, a couple of months before Durga Puja, the kids are being gathered for the Bijoya Sammiloni programme, and some of the women of the colony are deciding upon which piece to choose for the programme. I can see myself among these women, deciding upon the music, the lighting, the choir arrangement and so much more.

This is just the beginning. I have many dreams, just waiting at the threshold, to be fulfilled!

Love in the Time of Death

I live you in my days,

Dream you in my nights -

Stars rush flashing by,

Sparkling the bright eyes.

The buildings crash around us,

And you fight hard to catch your breath.

I stand still and watch - 

Welcome and smile at your death.

You call me "coward",

You call me "She-Devil",

You call me the annihilation

Of purity and life's all real.

I smile as I see the crumbling

Earth swallow you down in hungry bites.

I wait for my turn and make sure

My eyes are open as my heart sighs.